So, now it is time for the next confession—I am a bad mother. Observing my children, I see a litany of my faults paraded before my eyes every day.  Procrastination, being too nice, over-scheduling, boredom, nothing finished, forgetting to pay oneself first, too many interests and not enough time … all play out with my children. Like holding a mirror to myself, I see many of the things I don’t like about myself reflected in my children’s actions.

Sometimes it is worth a laugh. Watching one daughter try to schedule three radically different activities into one afternoon was worth the repeated conversations to negotiate the deal. It just couldn’t be done but she wasn’t going to give up her plans just because reality wouldn’t cooperate. It ended up being my fault, of course. Someone had to say no and blaming mom was easier than saying I can’t make it work. Another’s repeated failure to curb her so-sarcastic comments was great entertainment value as she attempted to dig herself out of a very deep hole. Multiple messy projects, in progress, scattered throughout a bedroom definitely generated a few chuckles as I tried to determine exactly what was going on across her floor.

Sometimes, it is just infuriating. Procrastination, boredom and out-and-out laziness all combine to push me over the edge on many occasions. Wishing something would go away doesn’t work, has never worked that I have noticed, and doesn’t make it better, it just makes you dread it more. Just get it done and move on. Probably the mom in me, but I don’t have the patience or time for those things anymore and have too much to accomplish to waste time avoiding something. However, when I catch myself doing it, I tend to ignore the observation as long as I can … Is it really procrastination if no one calls it that?

Other times it is quite guilt-inducing. Being a role model is obviously not my forte. The few good habits I have cultivated over the years are the ones my children seem to ignore. I see my children struggle with being too nice, putting other people’s needs and wants above their own, even though we have stressed since they were little how much you need to take care of yourself first, maintain those boundaries and advocate for yourself. I don’t know if it is a case of nature versus nurture but we all need to work on this one in my house. When this happens, it forces me to acknowledge that many times I forget to walk the talk I so happily dish out to my girls. Gotta admire a hypocrite when they keep talking the talk and never walking the walk:-)

At least, my children seem to learn faster from their mistakes than I did from mine. Doormat/too-nice behavior has snapped back into assertiveness quickly once they experienced that sting. The first few over-scheduling incidents generated a commitment to using a calendar, something that took me literally years to adopt. Being paralyzed with too many choices and interests resolves itself fairly quickly with them. They can be absolutely ruthless about purging mental and physical clutter from their lives when they move beyond. Me, I still dither and rationalize far too much.

So, how about you?  When you look at your children, how much of yourself do you see reflected in the mirror?