'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, stressed out couples were bracing themselves for dinner with his family, no wait, her family? [Insert scream here.]

It may be one of the toughest decisions couples have to make — next to where to spend Thanksgiving dinner: that dreaded question of 'are we going to your folks' house or mine for the holidays?'

And while the focus should be on peace, love and goodwill towards men, it's usually spent trying to squeeze in as much time with extended families as humanly possible in a 24-hour period.

Wendy, of Rancho Bernardo, said she and her husband try to accommodate everyone so feelings won't get hurt.

"The wants and the needs of the rest of the family changed our plans, since we are the ones without kids or family out of town, we're the one who are the yo-yos," she said.

Leanne of Del Mar said this Christmas she and her husband will spend at least two hours shuttling between her parents and in-laws houses to split breakfast, lunch and dinner between them.

"It's absolutely crazy," she said. "We still haven't figured out a way to make it work to where we are not exhausted or frustrated with each other."

Not the ideal version of holiday cheer.

Since holiday traditions are often rooted in childhood experiences, letting go of them can be overwhelming, said Dr. Barbara Cunningham, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Affordable Relationship Counseling San Diego.

"Even the most wonderful things that are joyous are stressful, because they're change, and change creates anxiety," Cunningham said. "When you go into the holidays to blend families, it's stressful, because you've never had to do it before and you're not sure how it's going to go."

All You Need is Love, and Two Plane Tickets to Aruba

The tension surrounding where and how to spend the holidays is enough to make any couple high-tail it out of town to Hawaii or some other tropical resort.

"I think about it every year," Leanne said. "But don't think I'll ever have the guts to do it. Some of my best memories as a kid are the Christmases with the family."

Relationship experts said too often couples let their own holiday wishes take a backseat to pleasing their parents—not to mention siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins.

But ignoring your partner's holiday wishes or even your own, could compromise your relationship and create bigger issues down the road, said Jenna Barry, author of A Wife's Guide to In-laws: How to Gain Your Husband's Loyalty Without Killing His Parents.

"It's important to make your spouse a priority over your parents," she said.

Barry, who runs an online support group for daughter-in-laws at WifeGuide.org, said couples need to be upfront with their families about holiday plans, and don't cave to outside pressure.

"Stand united as a couple even if your parents are upset by your decisions," Barry said.

Compromising is a Tricky Business

But deciding on those plans can be even more difficult.

Especially, in the first year of marriage, said Lynn of Sabre Springs.

Lynn said she just assumed they would continue all of her family's Christmas Eve and Christmas Day festivities.

"It was pretty difficult. I was fighting with the tradition of spending the holidays with my family for 25 years, and now I had to worry about a whole other family," she said.

Her husband has a different version about how the decision-making went.

"She says we talked about it, but I think she told me what we were going to do," he said.

Have an Exit Strategy

Matchmaker Lisa Purdum, of It's Just Lunch San Diego, said couples must be honest about their willingness to compromise.

"It should never be about just one way of spending the holidays," she said. "I think early in a relationship we make concessions because we want the relationship to work out, so we throw out our traditions and then realize it's not working."

So while you and your parents may enjoy watching The Nutcracker every year—your husband, not so much.

In that case, Purdum suggests finding a way to add to a holiday tradition without necessarily being a part of it.

This could mean preparing dinner for your wife and in-laws before they head out to the play, or meeting them for dessert afterwards.

Also, don't feel confined to just one day, use the entire month for extended family gatherings, Purdum said.

"The holiday season can be, and should be spread throughout the whole month, so there's not so much stress," she said.

Start Planning Early

Don't procrastinate on finalizing plans.

 "Start discussing early, before the emotion of the holiday kicks in and people are still speaking rationally," Purdum said.

But with Christmas just days away, Cunningham said the focus should be on celebrating family, instead of stressing out about them.

"Embrace the opportunity that you have a larger, more richer support group," she said. "It's great to step back and say, 'oh aren't we lucky to have all these people around us.'"

Lynn agrees.

"It's stressful, but I feel lucky to have family who actually want to spend time with us. It could be worse," she said.

There's always Easter to think about.

Note:  This article in no way implies that anyone dislikes their in-laws or parents. But for obvious reasons, couples interviewed for this story declined to give last names for fear of being disowned by their families, which would mean more stress and fewer Christmas presents.